The loss of a Giant

Shock woke us up on Sunday morning.

Instead of rooting out Munster scarves and jerseys and organising lifts in and out of town, my husband and I sat and stared at our phones in shock and disbelief.
And how do you explain to a five-year old that you’re upset because a man you’ve never met has died? How do you understand it yourself?
The ordinary tempo of the family home continued, as it must; after all, he wasn’t my husband, uncle, friend or cousin…
There’s no allowance for grief here.

Except for all of us, perhaps without even knowing it, that’s precisely who Anthony ‘Axel’ Foley had become. He, like others without us noticing, seep into our consciousness, and our lives. Often unspoken, we hold these men and women as personal heroes, as the standards we want to reach, what we want for our children. And when they go, the void that’s left is as shocking to us as it is painful.

The grief in Limerick this week is palpable.

This open pain is at once comforting and upsetting. It hurts to see others hurt, but it helps so very much, to know we are not the only one grieving for this loss, the loss of a stranger we knew so well.

Grief is a process, without efficient timelines or tidy linear progression. There is no correct way to heal. There is no point at which we should be over it by now. The heartfelt responses of his friends and teammates simultaneously speak to shock and anger, bargaining and depression. That it, “didn’t make any sense yesterday… it doesn’t make any sense today” (Keith Wood), echoes in us all. How many of us asked “Why Anthony Foley”, like David Corkery, feeling defeated in the face of such a cruel God?

But the solidarity in Limerick this week was humbling.

So I ask you to continue to be kind to yourself and to the person standing beside you.
Allow your grief to be. To happen. To take its path.

No, We don’t “accept”, in any way, this loss. To accept it would seem to legitimise it and that is certainly not the case. It’s not ok. We are all too shocked and angry, hurt and confused. But, in the past week, Limerick took his lead, shared in his strength and his leadership and unified. Shoulder to shoulder, side by side, we are standing strong for one another, and through tears, We are proud. Munster Proud.
Irish by birth, Munster by the grace of God.

R.I.P Axel.

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Eating Disorders and Body Dysmorphya: Interview with WiredFM

I was recently fortunate enough to have been asked to speak on Mary Immacuatle College’s radio station on the subject of eating disorders and body dYsmorphia.
Click on the following link to hear the full interview with Shane O’Carroll on Wiredfm’s current affairs programme.

Date of original airing 27/10/15

For full interview, click here

Autumn Chills!

It seems the summer ended almost overnight,  and suddenly we are well on our way to warm winter nights, cosy fires and foggy Autumn mornings.

At this time of year it is important to stay in touch with how we are feeling and with any shift in mood or form, as the nights become longer and days become darker.  A great way to stay in touch with our feelings and to monitor our mood is by using a mood diary, or keeping a journal. Brief annotations throughout the day or week describing how you feel a particular times will help with staying on top of mood swings and, more importantly, help us figure out what times of the day or week we are most vulnerable to feeling low, and cut it off at the pass.

There are some very simple habits to form that can help empower us to take control of our moods.

* Getting ahead of the downward slump/keeping a mood diary.

* Getting out and about during daylight hours.

* Eating regular, healthy meals.

* Staying in contact with others.

* Keep your mind challenged, reading, classes, crafts or hobbies.

If you feel that oncoming winter is dragging you down feel free to call me on 087 7097477 and we’ll can work on exploring your perspective so that  you can look forward to crisp cold walks and open cosy fires, and generally enjoying the winter season instead of dreading it.

You can phone on 087 7097477 or email at midwestcounselling@gmail.com

Working with Sufferers of Bulimia, part II

As mentioned in Working with Sufferers of Bulimia, part I the need for counsellors who work with sufferers of Anorexia, Bulimia, to enhance their understanding of these disorders in order to improve the quality of the therapy they provide is becoming more and more apparent as each new piece of research emerges. Furthermore, “Delineated treatment specifically tailored to the needs of each disorder” (Quinlan, 2013) as required for the treatment of eating disorders may be best accomplished by a full understanding of the differences in characteristics of these disorders.

Though there is no such thing as a typical patient or client, commonalities do emerge between sufferers of bulimia. It is often found that women who are engaged with the binge purge cycle, have been engaged with weight loss or have concerned with their weight and or a fear of being fat since their early teens (Beaumont, George and Smart, 1976). Additionally, further commonalities in personality traits have emerged among bulimic sufferers. Research into the personality traits of bulimic sufferers has show that they will often display more impulsive behaviours than those with Anorexia, (Garfinkel, Moldofsky and Gerner, 1980). These findings are confirmed by research carried out that showed a higher that average impulsivity often expressed by substance abuse (Pyle, Mitchell and Eckert 1981). In marked contrast to this, those sufferers of Anorexia are often “markedly obsessional, socially withdrawn” ( Bruch 1973). The rigid control of the anorexia patient is at variance with the more outgoing and extroverted style of behaviour of the bulimic patients. Bulimic patients however may alter their naturally outgoing social style as the binge purge cycle takes over their time and efforts, and they may become withdrawn and isolated. Add to this the on-going shame associated with bulimia and the sheer volume of time many bulimics give to their binge purge cycles and even though they may actually crave interaction, friendships and social encounters, they may find they withdraw and retreat into the comfort and familiarity of their food obsession rather than actively seek out and engage with others.

Once again given the propensity for sufferers of bulimia to maintain a fairly even weight, then identifying their eating disorder can be very difficult among their friends and family and so this eventual withdrawal can seem all the more difficult to explain and leave residual feelings of hurt or anger by those who cannot understand her behaviour.

Coping with Child Sexual Abuse in Adult Relationships, Part III

The Role of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy in counselling adult survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) has been shown to facilitate clients in dealing with elements of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that commonly follow the survivors into adult relationships.

The primary function of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is three fold; firstly to assist with calming and acting as safe guard as the brain responds in a ‘bottom up’ manner to the traumatic event ( Piaget 1952). That is to say the client is at the mercy of their somatic and kinaesthetic responses without cogent control over them and the role of the therapist is to harness and manage the clients experiences until such time as the client has re-established these differentiating lines; Secondly, to equip clients themselves with the necessary tools to deal with these abreactions and upsetting bodily responses and lastly to facilitate the reintegration of a ‘top down’ response, i.e. helping the client to retrain their responses to include a reasoned and logical response. (Pat Ogden and Kekuni Minton, 2000). Clients have also reported that through therapeutic relationship and the couple relationship sensorimotor psychotherapy helped them to limit the information they are processing at any one time;  giving them the opportunity to investigate the cognitive and emotional aspects of the  initial trauma without becoming so physically distressed as to prevent them from adequately doing so. As discussed in Coping with Child Sexual Abuse in Adult Relationships, Parts I and II, the role of the couple relationship is paramount in the rehabilitation of adult survivors of CSA, survivors of sexual abuse require safe and healing relationships from which recovery can most ably begin. (Courtois, Ford & Cloitre, 2009)

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy operates in a holistic way by attending to the physical, cognitive and emotional responses CSA provokes in its adult clients. By refocusing their attention away from the context and details of the original trauma and focusing instead of the bodily sensations in isolation form their context client have found they have been able to disassociate the physical reaction from the emotion and cognitive responses.

This gives rise to a feeling of safety that allows for the safe exploration of the cognitive and emotional impact of the abuse and furthermore may give rise to an increased feeling of safety as they begin to re-experience the trauma in a way that offers them the potential to physically protect themselves.  By adopting a sensorimotor psychotherapeutic approach and concentrating on the physical responses, we are directly dealing with the somatic effects on the body and this in turn helps enable emotional and cognitive assimilation of the traumatic experience

January Blues???

It’s dark, cold and a very long way to pay day.

Is it any wonder that the third Monday in January has been awarded the dubious honour of being called Blue Monday – the most depressing day in the year?

The resolution to begin a lifestyle overhaul got postponed till all the Quality Street were finished, the exercise regime is impossible in the dark and wet… and sure you can’t quit smoking when it’s this gloomy out?? Hardly inspiring stuff, is it?

Putting a little balance back into our lives is really what these resolutions are about and are a big help in finding a bit of peace for 2013.

Take 10 mins and look at your life in terms of 8 different categories and try to (honestly) give each one a rating out of 10 – if you’re falling below 5 in any of the areas it may be time to take a look at it and see what can be done.

  • Health
  • Money
  • Social life
  • Partner/relationship
  • Work/career
  • Friends/family
  • Home
  • Personal growth/spirituality (religion, interests, hobbies,)

Set yourself reasonable and attainable goals and as always feel free to fail and start again.

Best of Luck and Happy New Year!

If you feel you many benefit from talking to someone,

please feel free to call me on 087 709 74 77 or

email me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com.

Stress, Depression and Christmas.

Although Christmas is meant to be a time of happiness and joy for many, depression, sleep problems and anxiety and stress are the more common features of the holiday season.

It may be the season to be jolly, but between mounting financial strain and the pressure of spending prolonged hours with our families and in laws, it’s easy to see why many of us would prefer to pull the duvet back over our heads and hope the whole thing will just pass us by.

Although this may seem a bit un-festive, in reality anxiety over strains of Christmas can negatively affect our health in many ways and with the “festive” period upon us there is often more opportunity to avail of unhealthy coping behaviors.
We are often more likely to try and cope by drinking, smoking, overeating or staying up alone late at night.

If you are feeling the strain and would like someone to talk to, feel free to call me on 087 709 7477 or to email me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com and perhaps we can try to put some of the yuletide glow back into the holiday season.