Coping with Child Sexual Abuse in Adult relationships. Part II

In the psychotherapeutic treatment of adult survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) therapists are often mistaken in treating the survivor in isolation and fail to include in their therapy, the role of the partner in their couple relationship. This is to limit and detract from the therapy on offer as “If, as we can all agree, healing takes place in moments of secure attachment (Solomon, 2003) then the opportunity provided for healing within the current couple relationship is a vital and dynamic opportunity that ought not be overlooked” (Quinlan, 2013).

In my practice at Midwest Counselling I too have found it common that adult survivors of CSA seek out and replicate the trauma of their abuse (Briere & Scott, 2006). Attachment theory, (Bowlby, 1988) may account for why in some cases the “normal” attachment processes formed in early childhood are replaced in adulthood by this re-enactment of disruptive relationships, and may even lead to re-enactment of traumatisation (Allen, 2001). Because of unresolved issues arising as a result of the CSA, such as fractured impressions of how adult sexual relationships are supposed to work, or errant self-images as a result of childhood programming, then often the adult generalised view is fractured and errant. For instance they may view all physical contact as frightening, painful or abusive, or that all men/women are inherently dangerous. It follows then that these views shadow them into their adult couple relationships.

Subsequently then in treating adult survivors of CSA, the circularity of systemic family therapy may also be helpful. As mentioned in Coping with Child Sexual Abuse in Adult relationships, Part I, in couple relationships, it is commonly found that the partner of the survivor of CSA is bringing with them their own problems of equal measure. Therefore, as the therapy investigates the paradigm that exists between the couple, a pattern of co-dependant coping strategies may emerge. This iterates the importance of treating the client in a holistic way, and of looking at more than just the trauma of the CSA but also at the extended influence this is having on their couple relationships. So too, the benefit to couples counselling is massive, it can help raise a number of questions that could facilitate to a great extent the investigation into the nature of the couple relationship that exists that is been brought to couple therapy for “fixing”.

Given the aforementioned propensity for adult survivors of CSA to seek out and form relationships that emulate patterns and elements of the original abuse, then the benefit of including the partner in therapy is inherent. By engaging with both partners the therapist can work on limiting the re-enactments and re-traumatisation of the client. Furthermore and equally as importantly by soliciting the participation of the clients partner, the therapist can encourage and facilitate the growth of understanding and respect, and the identification of mutually beneficial goals that may ultimately lead to a constructive and nourishing adult relationship.

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January Blues???

It’s dark, cold and a very long way to pay day.

Is it any wonder that the third Monday in January has been awarded the dubious honour of being called Blue Monday – the most depressing day in the year?

The resolution to begin a lifestyle overhaul got postponed till all the Quality Street were finished, the exercise regime is impossible in the dark and wet… and sure you can’t quit smoking when it’s this gloomy out?? Hardly inspiring stuff, is it?

Putting a little balance back into our lives is really what these resolutions are about and are a big help in finding a bit of peace for 2013.

Take 10 mins and look at your life in terms of 8 different categories and try to (honestly) give each one a rating out of 10 – if you’re falling below 5 in any of the areas it may be time to take a look at it and see what can be done.

  • Health
  • Money
  • Social life
  • Partner/relationship
  • Work/career
  • Friends/family
  • Home
  • Personal growth/spirituality (religion, interests, hobbies,)

Set yourself reasonable and attainable goals and as always feel free to fail and start again.

Best of Luck and Happy New Year!

If you feel you many benefit from talking to someone,

please feel free to call me on 087 709 74 77 or

email me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com.

The Budget 2013; Financial Strain and Your Mental Health

Financial strain is probably one of the biggest causes of stress, especially in today’s economy and is only getting worse. With so many losing their jobs, cutbacks and tax increases just trying to make ends meet can cause immense stress to already stressful lives.

This year’s budget has promised to be tougher and more hard-hitting and may cause many of us to despair, panic and fear for the future.

If the stress and worry is becoming too much or if you feel you many benefit from talking to someone, please feel free to call me on 087 709 74 77 or email me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com

Understanding anxiety disorders

It’s normal to worry and feel tense or scared when under pressure or facing a stressful situation. Anxiety is the body’s natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that goes off when you feel threatened.
In moderation, anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, anxiety can help you stay alert and focused, spur you to action, and motivate you to solve problems. But when anxiety is constant, excessive or overwhelming, when it interferes with your relationships and activities, it stops being functional — that’s when you’ve crossed the line from ordinary, productive anxiety into the territory of anxiety disorders.

Do your symptoms indicate an anxiety disorder?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, then it’s possible you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder.
• Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?
• Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family responsibilities?
• Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can’t shake?
• Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things aren’t done a certain way?
• Do you avoid everyday situations or activities because they cause you anxiety?
• Do you experience sudden, unexpected attacks of heart-pounding panic?
• Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?

If you’re experiencing a lot of physical anxiety symptoms, consider getting a medical checkup. Your doctor can check to make sure that your anxiety isn’t caused by a medical condition, such as a thyroid problem, hypoglycemia, or asthma. Since certain drugs and supplements can cause anxiety, your doctor will also want to know about any prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, herbal remedies, and recreational drugs you’re taking.
If you can rule this out maybe you would benefit from speaking to a psychotherapist in your area. Anxiety disorders respond very well to psychotherapeutic treatment. The specific treatment approach depends on the type of anxiety disorder and its severity. But in general, most anxiety disorders are treated with behavioural therapy, medication, or some combination of the two. Sometimes complementary or alternative treatments may also be helpful.

Fell free to call me, in confidence, on 087 709 74 77 for an appointment.

Extract abridged from helpguide.org 22 July 2012