The loss of a Giant

Shock woke us up on Sunday morning.

Instead of rooting out Munster scarves and jerseys and organising lifts in and out of town, my husband and I sat and stared at our phones in shock and disbelief.
And how do you explain to a five-year old that you’re upset because a man you’ve never met has died? How do you understand it yourself?
The ordinary tempo of the family home continued, as it must; after all, he wasn’t my husband, uncle, friend or cousin…
There’s no allowance for grief here.

Except for all of us, perhaps without even knowing it, that’s precisely who Anthony ‘Axel’ Foley had become. He, like others without us noticing, seep into our consciousness, and our lives. Often unspoken, we hold these men and women as personal heroes, as the standards we want to reach, what we want for our children. And when they go, the void that’s left is as shocking to us as it is painful.

The grief in Limerick this week is palpable.

This open pain is at once comforting and upsetting. It hurts to see others hurt, but it helps so very much, to know we are not the only one grieving for this loss, the loss of a stranger we knew so well.

Grief is a process, without efficient timelines or tidy linear progression. There is no correct way to heal. There is no point at which we should be over it by now. The heartfelt responses of his friends and teammates simultaneously speak to shock and anger, bargaining and depression. That it, “didn’t make any sense yesterday… it doesn’t make any sense today” (Keith Wood), echoes in us all. How many of us asked “Why Anthony Foley”, like David Corkery, feeling defeated in the face of such a cruel God?

But the solidarity in Limerick this week was humbling.

So I ask you to continue to be kind to yourself and to the person standing beside you.
Allow your grief to be. To happen. To take its path.

No, We don’t “accept”, in any way, this loss. To accept it would seem to legitimise it and that is certainly not the case. It’s not ok. We are all too shocked and angry, hurt and confused. But, in the past week, Limerick took his lead, shared in his strength and his leadership and unified. Shoulder to shoulder, side by side, we are standing strong for one another, and through tears, We are proud. Munster Proud.
Irish by birth, Munster by the grace of God.

R.I.P Axel.

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Limerick Leader2 Facebook Sex Scam

Thanks to Donal O’Regan for drawing attention to the plight of men who have been targeted by a Facebook  Sex Scam and for highlighting the hidden dangers of the impact this blackmail could have. 

The “set up” itself is an old one; attractive woman lures unsuspecting man into a compromising position and blackmails him with the evidence of his indiscretion. Aside from the threat of humiliation and shame, the possible repercussions for the men regarding social standing or employmentare far and wide. 
And on top of this these men have been abused by a person they believed to be an intimate partner. Sharing intimate, private images is becomming more commonplace and is being covered well in the media right now, however this time there is another level added: blackmail. 

As surely as a the threat of physical violence, black mail is a threat to destroy, ruin and expose.
If you have been effected by this scam or have been exposed to image sharing and would like to talk to someone about the effect this has had, please feel free to call me on 087 7097477 or to contact me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com.

Eating Disorders and Body Dysmorphya: Interview with WiredFM

I was recently fortunate enough to have been asked to speak on Mary Immacuatle College’s radio station on the subject of eating disorders and body dYsmorphia.
Click on the following link to hear the full interview with Shane O’Carroll on Wiredfm’s current affairs programme.

Date of original airing 27/10/15

For full interview, click here

Autumn Chills!

It seems the summer ended almost overnight,  and suddenly we are well on our way to warm winter nights, cosy fires and foggy Autumn mornings.

At this time of year it is important to stay in touch with how we are feeling and with any shift in mood or form, as the nights become longer and days become darker.  A great way to stay in touch with our feelings and to monitor our mood is by using a mood diary, or keeping a journal. Brief annotations throughout the day or week describing how you feel a particular times will help with staying on top of mood swings and, more importantly, help us figure out what times of the day or week we are most vulnerable to feeling low, and cut it off at the pass.

There are some very simple habits to form that can help empower us to take control of our moods.

* Getting ahead of the downward slump/keeping a mood diary.

* Getting out and about during daylight hours.

* Eating regular, healthy meals.

* Staying in contact with others.

* Keep your mind challenged, reading, classes, crafts or hobbies.

If you feel that oncoming winter is dragging you down feel free to call me on 087 7097477 and we’ll can work on exploring your perspective so that  you can look forward to crisp cold walks and open cosy fires, and generally enjoying the winter season instead of dreading it.

You can phone on 087 7097477 or email at midwestcounselling@gmail.com